The Writings of Placido L Garcia

Shadow

2010-01-06T00:33:00.001-08:00

I see falling trees
Swarms of killer bees
Dying of disease
When I see you

Memories of your fucked up past
A life that didn’t last
Never-ending compare and contrast
When I see you

I begin to hate
Emotions deteriorate
Apologies are too late
When I see you

All I see is red
I fucking want you dead
Violence in my head
When I see you

Once in my life

2010-01-06T00:32:00.001-08:00

For once in my life
I thought I was happy
For once in my life
I thought I was sane
But then reality
Caught up with me
When I was killed in your game

A game
Of smiles freely given
A game
Of roads previously driven
A path, I always seem to chase
The enemy is your game
The enemy is that beautiful face

Thanks for the cruel intentions
And making me feel real
Thank you for being yourself
And letting me know what is real

Untitled

2010-01-06T00:25:00.000-08:00

subtle smile, slurred phrases
you can’t look away

foreign bed, temporary denial
was that you yesterday?

Did you want it?
Did you refuse?
Was it success?
Was it abuse?

you can not tell
because you weren’t all there

all you remember is the sex, beer,
sweat and fuck in the air

friendly words
mistaken?
Were you really that confused?

Retrospect

2010-01-06T00:23:00.001-08:00

I miss the days
when life wasn't so painful
I miss the days
when you were so beautiful
I miss the days
when I wasn't filled with self-doubt
I miss the days
when I knew what love was about
I miss the days
when I knew you were mine
I miss the days
when I didn't notice the time
I miss the days
when your words were true
I miss the days
when I knew you

i try for you, you try for him

2010-01-06T00:19:00.000-08:00

did you really think I would stick around?
or did you just assume
too many confirmed images haunting me
we can’t even be in the same room
I can’t believe the things you’ve done
or the words you’ve said
I can’t believe you’re still in my life
and that I don’t want you dead
My never-ending devotion confuses me
I don’t know from where it came
I don’t know why I even tried
when you’ve only been thinking his name

Everything for Nothing

2010-01-06T00:06:00.000-08:00

Silent death
My heart bleeds
My unyielding hatred
You continue to feed
My world has died
As I knew it would
You've shattered my life
As I knew you would
This life I live
I now live half-dead
Praying for the moment
I no longer see red
No matter what I say
No matter how I do
I continue this hopeless life
And it's all for you
I gave you my heart
I gave you my life
All I got in return
Was a blood stained knife
Which you used
To cut my heart in two
I have this heartless life
Because of you
I know time is running out
Because you're fading away
My life was all for you
Yet you never had anything to say

Overnight

2010-01-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

Things could be better
Yet, they could be worse
You were my last
And you were my first
I knew the storm was coming
Yet, I do not know where it was made
Now, it's too late for shelter
Too late to look for shade
I know I said I was alright
And that I was okay with this
But I can't help myself
From wanting to clinch my fists
Where do we go from here?
Do we go forward, do we go back?
Which ever direction we choose
Could I ever win you back?
Because it seems that battle
Has already begun
It seems that war
Has already been won
I can't picture life
Without you by my side
My life ended overnight
But, at least I tried

What you are to me

2010-01-05T23:48:00.001-08:00

Just a flower wilted in the sun
Just a five-minute dream
Just another broken promise
Just an empty shell
Just a collection of photographs
Just a voice on my machine
Just an empty feeling in my heart

Odd Fast Food Relationship

2009-10-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

He doesn’t know my name

Only that I’m here to feed

Yet he greets me with a smile

In this cold world of ours

Thats exactly what I need

How did he know

That I wanted a number 2 with large fries?

He knows exactly what I want

Just by looking in my eyes

Every time I come here

He has that same huge smile

As if I’m some long-lost friend

That he hasn’t seen in a while

This odd fast food relationship

Is as peculiar as it is true

I receive the same welcoming feeling

Whether its dine-in or drive-through

I remember a time

I was a little down

And the place was full of lines

He knew what I was going through

And made everything better

By throwing in a couple of apple pies

This odd fats food relationship

May seem odd

As I put it in writing

But after 25lbs. gained and one friendship made

I wouldn’t change a thing

Cause and Effect

2009-10-20T23:14:00.001-07:00

Her smile will always be
my weakness and my strength

Her laughter will always be
my funeral march and my victory song

Her touch will always be
my pain and my comfort

I will always love her
and never

Traces

2009-10-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

Her sight gives me a physical reaction.

As if I had just seen a ghost.

Memory and reality all mixed in one to create

The unfortunate conclusion of believing what I saw.

She is like an urban myth.

The product of living fast.

A figment of a broken and faded memory.

Occasionally escaping the confines of the past.

She haunts me for reasons unknown to me.

Every once in a while I hear her cries.

She haunts me for reasons unknown to her.

The ghost I can see with closed eyes.

Released in the comfort of darkness

2009-10-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

The things my eyes have seen
The words that have passed through my ears
Created this destructive state
And confirmed my dormant fears

Your smile was the nail in the coffin
I still remember you laying me to rest
Yet your task was not complete
Because I can feel the cavity in my chest

Now I lay in this pinewood prison
Knowing that you got the best of me
Your smile was my last sight
So beautiful, so deadly

As the air begins to thin
The darkness takes control
I willingly accept this fate
Just to escape your hold

An impromptu poem

2009-01-11T13:10:00.001-08:00

Despite my extensive vocabulary
Despite the many combinations
Of possible phrases
That are rattling in my head
Despite the use of dictionaries
And thesauruses
References to books I've read
Songs I've heard
And movies I've seen
I can not find the right words
To describe
What I see in your eyes
Feel from your touch
Hear in your voice
Or taste from your kiss
There are no words that can
Properly describe perfection

He writes

2009-01-11T13:06:00.001-08:00

Sun filled valleys
Beds of red roses
Blissful words
Are all he composes
Pen in hand, sitting under a tree
Writing of a life, between him and she

A smile on his face
Tears in his eyes
Knowing, all that’s been said
Have not been lies
Writing tales of love
Tales of strife
Writing of the girl
With whom he shares his life

His heart becomes warm
With memories of she
Knowing alone
He’ll never again be
He writes about choices
All made not by mistake
He writes of feelings
Feelings they could not fake

He writes of times
When he felt alone and afraid
He writes of the time
When their bond was made
He looks to the roses
And remembers her face
He remembers her voice
And how she spoke with grace

He writes of the times
When they talked in the dark
He remembers the good times
And that night in the park

He smiles realizing
His heart can not die
What she has given to him
Always makes him cry

He remembers the times
He could not give her what she deserved
Despite that slip
He was still served
His eyes become blinded
By bewildered tears
Wondering why she has never
Confirmed his fears

His mind becomes clouded
With thoughts of the past
Unforgiven situations
With people that did not last
He looks to the clouds
And wonders why he received the best
He wonders what made him
Stick out from the rest

His questions recede
With one soft kiss
His old life
He will never miss
His search is finally over
After looking below and above
He now knows this feeling
This feeling called love

A smile on his face
Tears in his eyes
Knowing all I love yous
Were never lies
Wishes become granted
Monsters become still
He writes in content
Under a tree, on a hill

Unphased by your eulogy

2009-01-11T13:03:00.001-08:00

Endless conviction to the hatred
That sets us apart
No apologies, no remorse
Exist in my heart

I've watched the numbers grow
I've watched them fall, all for the worst
Chasing dragons, chasing lines
Chasing a means to quench their thirst

They've all been killed so many times
Yet return from the grave
Innocence becomes another number
Too weak to be saved

I keep this hatred in my heart
As a reminder that I'm still alive
Never a number, never fallen
I have never died

Like them
I will never fall
Like them
I will never die
Like them

I will never live
Like them

The Trade Off

2009-01-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

The drugs have taken over
She said
As she downs another beer
Now it’s just a matter of time
Before she gets the “fear”
Another night
Of hearing her cry
Another night of holding back her hair
I wonder why she doesn’t
Know when to stop
I wonder if
She even cares

She grabs her purse
And says her goodbyes
Then stumbles as she grabs my arm
I shake a few hands
Give a few smiles
And show no cause for alarm
We make it home
And I’m surprised
She survived the drive
After all
Her chemical consumption
I’m surprised she’s still alive

Another night
Of the same routine
Another night
Of cleaning up her mess
Another night
Of bloodshot eyes and runny noses
I’m too good for her
She’ll always confess
As she sleeps on the sofa
Trashcan by her side
I wonder why I don’t get mad
I guess
After all is said and done
You can’t take the good without the bad

Selective

2009-01-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

Nobody remembers her
Despite her many attempts at acknowledgment
Nobody remembers her name
Nobody remembers if she had green eyes or brown
Nobody remembers where she went to school
Or what she wanted to be when she grew up
Nobody remembers where she came from
Or where she wanted to go
But everybody remembers
Her actions
And how they were all done for the wrong reasons

His last request

2008-08-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

Please release me

From this prison

I can’t take much more pain.

Please release me

From this prison

Or at least

Turn your head as I go insane.

Did anyone know?

2008-08-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

You were so depressed

You could have killed yourself

But you could not

Convince yourself to swallow those pills

So much guilt

Unforgiving memories

Intoxicated nights

And cheap thrills

Too many times

You told yourself

This will never happen again

You’ve lied to yourself

For the last time

And now you want

It all to come to an end

Now you sit

In the corner of your room

Soaked

In your own tears

Thinking of all

The people you’ll miss

And even those innocent times

Throughout your limited years

You’re so depressed

You could kill yourself

No one

Can save you now

All you wanted

Was to forgive

Yourself

But you never knew how

Slice-n-dice makes it feel nice

2008-08-14T18:20:00.001-07:00

She was a cutter

The blood helped numb her pain

She was a cutter

Her best friend was a blade

When the pressure became too much

She always knew which way to go

The only times the voices were silenced

Is when her blood flowed

She was a cutter

Her self esteem so low

She was a cutter

Now she can’t control the flow

This time it was too deep

Her eyes slowly roll towards the sky

She was a cutter

But never intended to die

Accept this fate

2008-08-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

I can see the life leave your eyes

As my lips leave yours

Unspeakable horrors taking place

Behind these closed doors

It was my smile that brought you happiness

And it will be what brings you death

Basking in sweet ecstasy

As you breathe your last breath

The times we shared

Pale in comparison to this moment right here

I become more and more enthralled

As your death draws near

I suck your blood off of my fingertips

Its sweet taste goes down with ease

It’s amazing, even after your death

You still know how to please

Angel of death

2008-08-14T18:15:00.001-07:00

You gasping for your last breath is music to my ears

This sweet sound brings tears to my eyes

Who knew I’d get such satisfaction

From a strangers demise

We’ve never met before now

I welcome the fact that it will be our last

I must thank you for this performance

My, how your blood is leaving your body fast

I notice you’re becoming quite pale

The sign of another job well done

If it makes you feel any better

You weren’t the only one

What remains

2008-07-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

Smiles remain unreturned

Lips remain untouched

Heart remains unused

Hair remains unfeathered

Skin remains uncaressed

Words remain unspoken

Prayers remain unanswered

Life remains the unchanged

Throwdown

2008-07-02T16:55:00.001-07:00

Get the fuck up!

Stand on your feet!

Don’t tell me you’re giving up now

Now is the time

Now is the moment

For the ultimate throwdown

Everything you cherish

Is on the line

And you’re trying to walk away?

Get the fuck up!

Stand your ground and fight!

Whose life is this anyways?

As the ultimate throwdown

Comes into view

Deep inside you loudly say

This is my life!

This is my choice!

You will not take this away!

Drained

2008-07-02T16:47:00.001-07:00

I don't have it in me

To once again be the hero,

Create another Phoenix,

Or raise you from the dead.

I don't have it in me

To catch you when you fall,

Forgive you when you fail,

To continue this game.

I have given too much.

I no longer have it in me.

Trial offer expired

2008-06-28T17:26:00.001-07:00

Forgotten nights

Unfamiliar days

You're in so deep

Intoxicating haze

You don't know what to do

You can not stop

Destroyed mind

Your body drops

You can hear your heart

Giving up the fight

One more hit

Will ease the pain

Silence the monsters

With a glass pipe

A figment of who you used to be

You will never be the same

Trivial Pursuit

2008-06-25T20:53:00.001-07:00

This is not a dream,

Though sometimes I wish it were.

Yet the thought of somehow being able to escape reality by dreaming just taunts me.

Because dreams aren’t always good.

They just remind me of more things that will never come true.

More things I will never hold in my hands, or see with my eyes.

Logic eludes me when I think of why I continue.

Continue to look forward to another day.

To another disappointment

Progression does not know me, nor does sanity

For I am always too preoccupied with problems that don’t die

Or problems that quickly replace other problems I thought would never go away

Like a fucked up game of round robin

Happiness, oh sweet elusive happiness

How I wish I knew your warmth

To be happy with life and with myself would bring reason and hope

For another day

Happiness, sanity, and progression all working together?

Yeah right

It’s like when the rain just happens to stop right where it’s needed the most

My life is that barren desert, a wasteland

All I’ve ever wanted was a little rain

To give a deserving smile, to receive one

That is all I want

To live, to want, to dream

That is all I want

To find beauty in something that is obvious and deserving

That is all I want

I’m not ask for much

Am I?

It seems as if my requests will never be fulfilled

For as long as I can remember

They have never been

Maybe I’m not asking loud enough

Maybe I’m asking nice enough

Maybe I’m not asking the right questions

Or the right person

Who knows?

I sure don’t, and in my 20 years I never have

Whatever I am doing or

Has not worked

What have I done?

What have I missed?

Why am I still hoping?

Why do I still bother?

Why do I still care?

Why?

Because I still want to live

I still want to dream

Because I still care

And I still hope

That all of this has not been in vain

Effort

2008-06-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

All the medications in the world

Couldn’t make you smile,

I wonder why I even tried.

The impossible task of making you happy,

When everything inside you

Has died.

Like a switch

2008-06-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

You gave your word

As if it came with a guarantee

But then you fucked up

Fed your habit and lied to me

I thought I knew you

I thought you knew me

I don’t know you

I no longer want you to know me

I let you in

Without thinking first

Not knowing

You still had that thirst

You thought I would let it pass

Just because it was you

But I could not let it pass

Because it was you

You couldn’t live without it

Live without the poison

Infecting your veins

You had to continue

Even after obvious pains

You promised me it was over

Can't take it back

2008-06-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

innocence lost to irrelevance

you can no longer go back

you used to be original

now that single difference you lack

you try to forget about it

as if it never occurred

you start to feel like the people you’ve hated

actions speak louder than words

you let logic escape you

you didn’t think to say no

you can never take it back

these tracks of mud in the snow

Death has sent you a friend request

2008-06-20T18:47:00.001-07:00

We choose to ignore each other

Rather than disturb

This awkward silence

We meet eye to eye

Yet say nothing

The days have grown so long

My throat has become so dry

Words still too difficult to say

No matter how hard you cry

The days are no longer the same

Despite the static scenery

My world is no longer the same

Not after what you did to me

You sold me out

A victim of your betrayal

You sold me out

For lust

Your words mean nothing to me

As guilty tears fall to the ground

Consumed with hate and confusion

You plea for forgiveness, but it can’t be found

You give me a play by play

Your actions you try to justify

Empty words fail to be processed

These accusations you cannot deny

You sold me out

And had the nerve to walk my way

You sold me out

For it all

I don't belong here, although I wish i did

2008-06-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

I can feel the sweat form on my brow

In this air conditioned room

Her bright green eyes attract my attention

Like headlights piercing through the gloom

There's something about those curves of hers

That makes me regress

My vocabulary suddenly disappears

As she straightens her poka-dot dress

There's something about those curls of hers

That puts me at unease

I loudly bump into a store display

Distracted by her colored sleeves

There's something about that ponytail of hers

As it bops with her every step

Never being with a girl like this

Is something I'll have to accept

Beautiful girls make me nervous

I could never explain why

Maybe because I don't know how to talk to them

Maybe because I'm not their type of guy

Even after our eyes just met

I choose to walk by

Beautiful girls make me nervous

I could never explain why

Apprehensive Invitation

2008-06-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

I can see her face through the crowd

I fear my thoughts may grow too loud

And possibly leave the confines of my head

I fear explaining what may be said

I play it off as if nothing is on my mind

Attempting to speak, but words I cannot find

All I can do is stand here and smile

But now I realize, I’ve been standing here a while

A few more seconds pass and then a conversation starts

A vague little conversation, mainly pieces and parts

Of subjects and times that have passed

I’m enjoying this moment, but it does not last

Soon a third voice has joined hers and mine

That drowning voice from within my mind

I become distracted and begin to argue within

I then become conflicted. Could I ever let her in?

Dare I chance appearing insane?

Afterwards, will her smile remain?

For, I fear what she may see

I convince myself she’s better off without me

Reluctantly I say my good byes

Another entry on my list of tries

Once again the monster within me has won

Killed from within, just as happiness could have begun

How long can I go on with this burden inside?

I am unaware something inside me has died

And was replaced with this monster, this self-loathing thing

I tried to end it all but accomplished nothing

All it did was make it grow strong

Now it’s always there to prove me wrong

Fill me with apathy, depression and hate

Contradict the feelings I want to create

I can see her face through the crowd

By this time my thoughts have grown too loud

They scream she’s too good for you; she’s out of your league

Quit wasting your time and finally leave

I get up and begin to walk out the door

I turn around to look at her once more

I soak up her image, her curls, her face

And walk out convinced I don’t belong in that place

Facets of a love that once was

2008-06-10T16:57:00.001-07:00

LOOK AT HIS FACE

LOOK AT HER FACE

AND TRY TO TELL ME THINGS AREN'T DIFFERENT

THEY BOTH WISH THINGS COULD CHANGE

BUT TRANSFORMATION SEEMS INEVIDENT

THE ROSES HAVE ALL TURNED BLACK

AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE

OR IS AWARE

OF THE LOVE THEY LACK

OR THE HATE THAT GROWS

EVERYTHING COMPROMISED BECAUSE OF THIS?

SHE DOESN'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE

HE DOESN'T KNOW HER ANYMORE

THEIR LOVE HAS DIED

SO WHAT'S THE SCORE?

THERE'S NO LOVE ANYMORE

IF THEY HAD A CHANCE

TO MAKE AMENDS

WOULD THE BAD TIMES SEEM TO END?

IF THEY COULD

TAKE IT ALL BACK

WOULD THEY HAVE EVEN BECOME FRIENDS?

THE ACTIONS HAVE ALL BEEN DONE

AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE

OR IS AWARE

OF THIS DEAD SILENCE

OR THE CLOUDS THAT FORM

EVERYTHING DESTROYED BECAUSE OF THIS?

SHE DOESN'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE

HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ANYMORE

NO ONE EVEN TRIES ANYMORE

NO ONE EVEN CARES ANYMORE

IN THE END HE WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT, I DIDN'T MAKE HER LEAVE"

IN THE END SHE WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE

THERE WERE NO TRICKS UP HER SLEEVE

IN THE END

WHERE WILL THEY BE?

IN THE END

The smoke has cleared on the horizon

2008-06-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Now is the time to finally be her hero,

But all I can think to do

Is put down my sword.

This fight is no longer in need of my effort.

After all I have given,

I finally lower my flag

And bask in the sweet surrender

Of losing her memory forever.

Roses were red

2008-06-10T16:45:00.001-07:00

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Don’t you worry about me

I’ll make it though

I used to think that she really cared

But I know the truth

And my feelings have been spared

Day after day she spoke no words

Day after day my chances

Flew away like the birds

Every time I think of her face

I remember how my chances

Disappeared without a trace

Maybe tomorrow she’ll change her mind

Maybe tomorrow I’ll quit being so blind

And see that she’s gone

Out of my grasp

Never again

Will my love last

Tucson

2008-06-10T16:43:00.001-07:00

Seven AM and you’re still not home
Did you forget where you lived, or how to use a phone?
Was it intentional or did you not know?
I try not to think about it
But the monsters continue to grow
You said that nothing happened
Which is easy for me to believe
But I cant help but think twice
When his voice ends up on our machine
Visions went through my head
That made me want to die
Followed by the emptiness
That made me fall and cry
When the sun came up and you weren’t there
I didn’t know what to do
Call the police, call the morgue
To still love, or start to hate you
Now that things are over and done
I still feel out in the cold
Am I right or wrong
To not believe the things I was told?
Time after time
Love has been no more than a song
Why should this be any different
You cant even sense that something is wrong
I’m tired of living with these monsters
And living with this pain
Please, please tell me
There is a rainbow after this rain

Unfair

2008-06-10T16:39:00.001-07:00

unwanted pictures of unwanted memories

oh, how I want them out

apologies for actions unheard of

during a time before me

oh, how I yearn to change the past

if I were there, would we last

never ending compare and contrast

of a time when I was never around

As I look down upon thee

2008-06-10T16:38:00.001-07:00

i only tried it once
but, you still fell
i didn’t even like it
but, you still fell
i don’t do it anymore
but, you still fell
my friends made me do it
but, you still fell
i was mad at the world
but, you still fell
it wasn’t even real
but, you still fell
i was never addicted
but, you still fell
i didn’t feel anything
but, you still fell
it was given to me
but, you still fell
id never do it again
once was enough

You must like the pain

2008-06-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

Stabbing your self just to watch it bleed

Putting your self in danger just to see where it leads

Continuously choosing the darker side

Only pain and anger leaves you satisfied

You must like the pain

Lightning rod in the rain

Picnic with an oncoming train

Because reality you can’t comprehend

For some odd reason you return to the trap

Knowing where it lies as if you had a map

Again and again you seek destruction

Apathy and failure are your only function

You must like the pain

Always punishing you brain

Always asking what is sane

Because you refuse to find out

Filling your self with hate

Because problems you must create

Sanity, you’ll never appreciate

You must like the pain

‘Till death do us part…?

2008-05-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

I can hear the scratching
And clawing from outside the bedroom door
The creature trying to gain entry
Isn’t human anymore
It’s eyes have lost their sparkle
It’s hips have lost their sway
It’s no longer the woman
That I loved yesterday
There’s a gash on her neck
Where skin and flesh should be
Last night she kissed me goodnight
But today she’s trying to kill me
I look outside the window
And see chaos and death
How are they coming back
After they’ve taken their last breath?
Bodies lying momentarily still
Then spring up as if never sedated
I wonder what we did to deserve this fate
How were these creatures created?
I hear the wooden door begin to split
Followed by her grunts and shrieks
This was once a beautiful home
We’ve only been here a few weeks
She’s almost through
And has some how lost an eye
Knowing what awaits me
Almost gets me to cry
I reach in the nightstand and fiddle around
Looking for anything, hopefully a pistol or knife
I must find a means
To repel this creature that was once my wife
I find my revolver
Time slows as she draws near
One shot is all I’ll need
She makes her move
I put the gun to my head

“Click”…damn…empty

Oswald complained about assassins

2008-05-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

The silence from her cell phone
Says it all
Yet she still checks it now and then

It was only one date
It was only one night
She keeps her disappointment inside

During times of honesty
She speaks of loneliness
And complains of the games

She speaks about the many
That have come and gone
The many faces, the many names

Now that she has possibly found the one
She looks forward to the day
That she is single again

She will never blame her self
When it goes sour

And yet she’ll always wonder what happened

Obligation

2008-05-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

I don't want
To hear your stories
I don't want
To know your past
I don't want
To hear of your one night stands and living fast

I don't want
Your justification
I don't want
Your reasoning
I don't want
To hear the excuses of why you can't live more like me

I don't want
To hear your regrets
I don't want
To hear your mistakes
I don't want
To hear of your past relationships and past heartbreaks

I don't want
Your drunken kisses
I don't want
Your poisoned lies
I don't want
To feel this pain every time I look into your eyes

I don't want
Your voice in my head
I don't want
To remember your name
I don't want
Your obligation. Just face the fact were not the same.